When Your Camera Comes Between You and Your Family
A Guest post by Brad Chaffee.
If you’re anything like me, you absolutely love the prospect of capturing that special moment so you can proudly frame it for all to see. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with photography.

There’s something I love a lot more though, but sometimes one gets in the way of the other. I’m talking about my family. It’s hard not to let your passion get in the way because the thought of missing the perfect shot is constantly there.
Everything I see tends to be seen through the eyes of a photographer. Not that I am a professional or anything, but when I look around sometimes all I see is potential photographs. For me taking pictures has become an addiction, and I doubt very seriously that I am the only one with a sweet tooth for photography.
Needless to say, I sometimes forget that my family doesn’t have the same passion for photography that I do. Sometimes my camera gets in the way of real family time, and as much as I love taking pictures, that’s not how I want it to be.
I truly value quality time with my family, but it’s really easy to forget that when you are too wrapped up in getting the “perfect” shot.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to miss a few moments because the memories I make with my family are far more important.
Would you rather miss a picture or quality time with family? As much as I love taking pictures nothing compares to the love I have for my family. I now make a conscious effort to find balance so everyone is happy.
Here are a few things I do to accomplish that while still giving myself some camera time.
- I purposely leave my camera at home on certain occasions.
- I set aside time specifically for taking pictures.
- When I do have my camera I try not to spend too much time on any one shot.
- I find creative ways to incorporate my family in the shot if possible.
Those are just a few tips that I have learned to live by, but I am sure you could come up with more.
More often than not, the memories that aren’t captured on camera are more valuable than the ones that are. Make no mistake, those memories with your family will still be captured; the difference is that they’ll be captured in the hearts of the ones you love instead of on a picture card.
By all means keep taking pictures; just try to be more aware of what you might be missing when you do.
What tips would you give photographers in danger of letting their camera come between themselves and their family?
Brad Chaffee is a blogger for Enemy of Debtand inside C’ville. When he’s not teaching people how to live debt free or reviewing everything that’s awesome in Charlottesville, he’s somewhere trying to capture the beauty that is life; even if not with his camera. Check out his photostream on Flickr.




63 Responses to “When Your Camera Comes Between You and Your Family” - Add Yours
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:19 am
This can be difficult. my camera earned the name “Fifi” and was considered the “other woman’ for a while. Now I behave myself better, following similar tips. Such as not taking the camera everywhere, going for early morning shots when most or all the family are still sleeping, spending less time on each shot and finally, picking the shots to take. Things are better and my wife talks to me again!
I do find incorporating family into the composition does wear thin on them very quickly, however.
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:30 am
I thought the same thing the other day..every family outing now has become a photog’s perfect shot…I find myself only photographing things,places,structures and usually tell my family..”you’re blocking my view”. I’m NOT a portrait photog and tend to not emphasize on taking “people’ shots.After watching a segment on OvationTV where 5 different photogs with different “specialties” were interviewed, I now realize how many opportunities I’ve missed by not including people in my shots.Well that’s all gonna change now and im sure my family and friends will enjoy this photog a lot more.
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:33 am
Talk about reading yourself in someone else’s post! Last summer, driving one evening down a back road somewhere, I slammed on the brakes, rolled down the window and jabbed my telephoto at a couple of deer leaping through a field of wheat. I was absorbed until my 7 year old daughter, sitting in the back seat, mosquitos pouring through the window and attacking her all over cried as she slapped about: “Daddy, which do you care about more, me or taking pictures!”
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:37 am
I, too have made the rule that I don’t take my camera to certain functions, and my children have expressly forbidden it from school functions
Otherwise, I bring my camera take a few shots here and there but only if we’re not actively in the middle of something, like hiking, etc. Thankfully I have an extremely patient husband and two daughters that I’ve passed my love of photography on to.
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:37 am
Heh, same situation with me. I event made final step and gave money on DSLR, just because I saw so many photos of my kid were blurry or blown out.
Solution? I usually ask my wife shall I bring camera with me, sometimes is more important to be there and share the moment, sometimes it’s perfect time to go around and shoot.
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:48 am
I personally cannot remember stuff if I don’t have pictures or video of it. My memory is THAT bad. While I LOVE photography, I’d say I’m not obsessed with it and I don’t think it interferes with my family time at all. My family has grown to accept that I am the one that takes the pictures, hence I am never in one
but that’s just the way it is.
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:54 am
I liked the last tip: ‘To find creative ways to incorporate my family in the shot if possible.’
December 2nd, 2010 at 6:59 am
Wow if I had a dollar everything I thought about this. When we go to a park or something, I see all these couples hand in hand, but with my wife and I, it’s more like hand in hand with camera. LOL
December 2nd, 2010 at 7:04 am
The only way to take photos of your family is to put your camera between you and them. In fact my camera comes between me and everything I take photos of.
I know this comment is missing the point, but so is the article. It’s a camera website, not a lifestyle website.
December 2nd, 2010 at 8:02 am
Yes it helps if there’s a point or story to the shots, otherwise they’re just nice snaps.
But these little phrases should help:
a) “if only you’d brought your camera”
b) “this shot doesn’t do it justice, but…”
And the thought: you travelled 3000mi to be somewhere and couldn’t be bothered shooting (RAW | film | at golden hour)…
Any time I hear one of those, I want to strangle someone.
December 2nd, 2010 at 8:33 am
Thank you for being so candid. I am experiencing just that, but with a husband who waited long to get the kids out of the house to have more of me. Finding the balance myself in CA…again, thanks
December 2nd, 2010 at 8:52 am
Shooting photos is a very interesting activity as you may know and because of its attractive attribute, it becomes very difficult to want to have a break from it. Therefore, it is true that it can come between an individual and their family and surely, none of us wants that to happen. Therefore your tips are very helpful.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:00 am
You know you’ve gone to far when your two–year old has aversions to the camera. Now I’m missing so many great opportunities because I went overboard in the beginning!
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:31 am
I first took up photography as it is a hobby I can do while I am playing with my kids. But it does tend to remove you from the situation. On the same note, I am rarely in any of our pictures as I am our “family photographer”.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:41 am
I have learned the hard way to enjoy family gatherings and make sure you also get them between you and the camera some too. When I had a chance to look at the pictures I had taken from the last Christmas I had with my grandmother, I found I had one great shot of her – the back of her head at the kitchen sink. I never dreamed it would be our last. You never know how valuable your photo memories are going to be. This Thanksgiving I began a new tradition – a group shot of the family that attended. I will do this for as many family gatherings as possible in the future, In the old days when cameras were “new” to the world, everyone made a group shot of the family gatherings.
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Darren – First of all thank you for letting me share my post with your readers! I love this blog!!


Tell that to the guy that learned how to take amazing pictures but ended up losing his family because of it.. With all due respect, you may have missed the point of this “photography” blog not just this post. I think it’s very relevant to what this blog is about but I certainly respect your opinion though. 

Jim – I agree, it does sometimes get tiring, especially for my four year old when I want to put him in the shot. When that happens I try to back off and when he notices me taking a picture without him in it, he tries to jump in. LOL
Carmen – People can definitely make a shot come to life. My favorite kind of shots are with someone to the right or left (rule of thirds) with an amazing background on the opposite side.
Cheezman – Hilarious man…now that is, but I am sure that moment hit kind of hard. Kids really do say the darnedest things. Haha! Did you at least drive away away with the shot you envisioned? My son has called me out a few times but mainly it’s just telling me to come on. LOL
kellianne – It is EXTREMELY hard for me not to take my camera on hikes but I have learned to keep my camera at my hip and snap shots from there quickly. haha. Today we enjoyed a 5.5 mile hike we did the other day so bringing my camera felt less necessary.
zarko – I do the same thing. My wife is usually pretty understanding too and says yes more often than not. It’s when I become totally disengaged that she speaks up. I’ve gotten better though.
Lynet – Yeah I am definitely the photo taker in the family and I was recently volunteered to take pictures of a wedding in the family. Can you say pressure? lol It was fun and I learned that wedding photographers get a workout .
Rohit – I have to know when to step back but this works great for me and my family.
Ricky – LOL I know exactly what you mean! I have become more aware of my camera presence and sometimes I realize on my own that I need to give my family a break, plus I want to enjoy time with them too.
Jeff P – Wise guy eh?
Tim – It’s definitely nice to capture those special moments especially on vacation. I have been many places and wanted to strangle myself for not having my camera. LOL
Cat – No problem Cat!
Jill – Started as a hobby for me to and then it developed into an obsession when I realized the art involved with photography. It was a whole new world for me. It’s a great hobby though right? lol
Sheri – I like to snap my shots of family gatherings in the beginning and towards the end of the event, but I do find myself struggling with “possible” missed moments once I put my camera back in the car. lol No matter how hard I try to ignore it that feeling always surfaces.
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I sometimes allow others to take some shot with me and my family – include yourself in the shots are as important as creating memories. In order not to miss precious moments, I don’t care so much about how perfect of a shot or angle the photos have to be. Time is precious and family, priceless
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Courtney – Sorry I missed your comment.
Yeah I definitely know that deal. My four year old is picky about letting me take his picture. At one time he would let me snap away. I’ve definitely mellowed out though which has helped over time.
Kiran</strong – I have to admit I could use my timer more often but I did recently order a remote so I can include myself more often and a lot easier. I would hate for my wife and kids to be looking over pictures to find me missing in all of them. Great comment! I agree, family time is absolutely precious!
December 2nd, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Thanks for the great post! I can relate. Ever since my wife and I bought a digital camera in 2006 I’ve been hooked on capturing experiences. In the beginning when we didn’t have children it wasn’t a big deal. Now that we have a 3 year old and 8 month old it’s a little different. While I want to capture their every waking moment, I also want to be in the moment with them. It’s a balancing act now with my family. I do leave it at home on occasions, but generally will keep it in a bag and not hanging around my neck or shoulder just so I’m not as eager to throw it up in my face and start shooting.
December 2nd, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Thank you very much Brett! I had a feeling that most photographers, even if only done as a hobby, experienced this. I’m glad that I could contribute something to this blog that has helped me grow as a photographer since I became more serious about it. I didn’t experience this until I bought my Nikon D5000 a few months ago. I immediately became addicted to learning the art, and I love everything about it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
December 2nd, 2010 at 8:31 pm
I’m posting a second time here. I skimmed all of the posts and note that most have a kind of defensive tone, expressing the (guilty?) notion that this passion of ours can/does interfere with family relationships and should be sometimes set aside. I say to that, Cowboy up folks! When my daughter (see post above) made the comment about me loving her or my camera more, I laughed, told her of course that is not the case, pointed out the wonderful wildlife and showed her the photos back of the camera. She knows I don’t love the camera more than her and she got into the moment as soon as I included her. My view is that WE too are cogs in our families and so the family must/should and, most likely does accept us WITH the passion and therefore ultimately cannot separate the passion from their acceptance and love of us. By definition, photography, done seriously, demands we pay attention to . . . whatever. This skill, innate or learned does not turn off when the camera is in the case and I’ll bet we photographers make as good if not better parents and partners than the average societal segment. When we’re gone, we’ll likely leave many children who are avid and skilled photographers because they watched their mums and dads and the passion was passed on.
So, I say, No guilt or reservation! Get the shot. Teach by showing that excellence in result comes from planning and attention to detail.
Thank you for putting up with my semi-coherent rant.
And I did get the shot (see link) of the deer, though the low light and my cheap 70-300 mm zoom without VR deprived me of the sharpness I would have preferred.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/zilavy/3818784918/in/photostream/
December 2nd, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Brad – thanks for your reply. I think I was in a strange mood that day. It’s good advice, I just think it applies in general to men and their hobbies. It’s a taboo subject generally that men want it all – to be thought of as a loving, selfless family man and also retain their selfish pre-family lifestyle.
I just think I’m a bit frustrated at DPS as it seems to have less and less actual photographic technique articles and more commentary. This may be what the community wants so in that case I am afraid I have missed the point of this blog. Everyone wants different things, don’t they?
Perhaps because I’m a pro photog I tend not to take too many photos of my family as I get to fully immerse myself in photography when I’m being paid for it.
I certainly agree that everything is over-documented these days, like we’re all going to live on forever. We’re kidding ourselves of course. Film disintegrates and computer chips break down, all we can ever say with conviction is that we were here, we experienced this and that is all that matters.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:07 pm
I understand.
On the other hand, if it weren’t for our photographs, we’d have fewer family memories down the road.
Furthermore, I feel that as an artist, I have to create images nearly every day or I start to wilt or feel ill at ease. So making pictures is a way to keep me in balance, which in turn helps me stay available for my family when they need me.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:20 pm
cheezman – I do agree with you in a sense because I don’t think we should set aside our passion or love for this beautiful art. It is awesome to be able to capture the moments that our families can enjoy for generations. It’s why I came to love it so much!! This post of mine really came to be because I was with my family at Monticello (Thomas Jefferson’s home) here where I live and my son had to potty and I was completely caught up with trying to capture the perfect shot of this beautiful home. What made it worse is it was high noon and the sun was so bright and I just couldn’t get it but I kept trying. LOL
On another note, my 4 year old is probably going to be an awesome photographer even if it is not his profession. He has a VTech Kids Zoom camera and he takes it whenever we go on our many hikes. Here’s a shot of him being like his daddy. It may not be the best composition but to me it captures the moment that shows the bond we have built through photography. What’s funny is he’s always bummed when he forgets his camera.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/memoryfreak/5226386148/
Thanks for taking the time to respond further. I absolutely love this part of blogging — being able to talk and communicate with people about things that interest me. Your “rant” was completely acceptable. Thanks again!
jeff plum – I first must say I hope I didn’t come off as disrespectful. That was definitely not how I intended it to be read. Your comment was pretty short but after you clarified why you responded that way I COMPLETELY understand.
I’m definitely not a professional photog but I can certainly see where you are coming from with regard to this specific post. For me, every post here is helpful to me in some way or another, but like I said I am a novice photog at best.
I can see how someone doing this for a living may want and need a bigger challenge than this post gives, especially since, like you point out, when you are taking pictures it is what you are getting paid to do. That does change everything. Most often when I have my camera it is when I am with my family.
I hope that I can one day become semi-pro since that will mean that my photos are so awesome enough that I will get paid for them.
I have a very long way to go though but I won’t stop learning. Thanks for taking the time to respond further.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:39 pm
Just a quick add-on… My family (husband and two teens) is quite supportive of my crazy passion for photography and they love it when I make slideshows of trips and vacations so they can see how all the time I spend shooting and doing post is worth it in the end. Giving something back to them (and yourself) helps preserve the balance we all need.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:57 pm
photog1107 – Absolutely! Luckily my wife is pretty understanding as well and there’s no question that she loves the photos we end up with as a result.
Like these photos for instance!
December 3rd, 2010 at 12:22 am
If there’s an especially important time for both family and pictures, you could always bring along a friend or hire a professional to take pictures for you. That way you could be a part of the family time and still have great pics.
December 3rd, 2010 at 12:40 am
Brad, thanks for the article. It is a great reminder that I needed to hear. I’m no pro, just a hobbyist who thinks he’s got a good eye for people and who loves being the one taking the pictures that bring back memories year after year. However, I see myself in what you describe. There have been times that I lost focus (pun intended) and forgot to be in the moment rather than trying to capture the moment for all to reflect on later. Planning photo opps will become more intentional for me, now, as will planning for family time opportunities without the camera. Thanks.
December 3rd, 2010 at 1:48 am
This sounds just like me. A few years ago I stopped bringing my camera to most family events. Great for my wife, kids, and myself, but with everyone expecting me to take pictures, everyone else is kind of pissed. (My in laws) they don’t understand it is better to have these memories in your heart (and maybe a pic on your phone) than to not be part of them altogether. I don’t have as many memories to put on the wall, but my girls have a ton of remember when’s!
December 3rd, 2010 at 2:55 am
Take a film camera when out with the family – will make you take far less photos than bringing the DSLR with.
December 3rd, 2010 at 5:02 am
I was told I could not take pictures are my daughter’s wedding(I did anyway but not all the time). My kids don’t know Mom without a camera in her hand.They have come to accept that. BUT I have learned that not all times are the right times to take pictures.
December 3rd, 2010 at 5:18 am
wow, this is so true with me as well. i think i have to cut back and practice some of the tips. the first one i already do but i think organizing myself and setting time aside just for pictures will be helpful! Thanks for putting some perspective on photography vs. family! They shouldn’t have to compete.
Cheers
Manoj
December 3rd, 2010 at 5:20 am
There is a way out. When I upgraded from a 400D to a 7D instead of selling the 400 I gave it to my wife. We now both share the photographic passion. I must say it has created as many problems as it has solved, what the hell we are having fun and fulfillment.
Rob
December 3rd, 2010 at 5:28 am
Can I just add in and say that this doesn’t just apply to family time? I used to take my camera on every hike & trip I went on until one time on a backpacking trip, on the first evening I realized it wasn’t working. It was broken, in fact and I wouldn’t be able to get any shots! That was one of the most stunning backpacking trips I’d been on and it drove me crazy that I couldn’t capture it! But I remember the scenery, the curve of the mountain and the hue of the lake below, maybe more vividly than any other trip. And I think I may have enjoyed it more, because I was fully invested in the experience. Without a camera there was no danger of me being an observer of my own life. Now when I hike (or go to events) I’ll often have my camera with me, and I’ll definately try to capture those stunning shots that come up, but I limit how much I’m looking through the lense. Sometimes that just means snapping some pictures, and then putting it away and enjoying my time there, whether it be amongst people, or beautiful scenery.
December 3rd, 2010 at 6:29 am
Thanks for the tips of everyone here. Sometimes my wife calles me “paparazzi”, since I like taking portraits at family and friend gatherings… and my wife hates it. She’s also extremely concious of it, though: even with a telephoto, all sounds turned off, AF assist light turned off, she still catches me…
December 3rd, 2010 at 7:00 am
Hi Brad – I couldn’t agree with you more!! I’ve had very similar “reactions” from my wife. Let’s just say there was a discussion about whether I could have my camera on our wedding day!
I lost that one, but won for our honeymoon! She’s gotten very used to being in front of the camera, but I do definitely balance it, as you’re absolutely right – you also need to enjoy the ‘now’ with your family.
To be honest, that was one of the very reasons that I started my company – that and the fact that I have a TON of great pictures of my wife, but very few of the both of us (that are of any quality). I’m hoping to solve a little bit of that problem for all of us photographers out there (as well as those that aren’t but want the shots!).
Thanks for the post – you’ve created a nice discussion in the comments!
December 3rd, 2010 at 7:32 am
I think these are great tips for anything really. Family time, friend time, special trips, etc etc.
I go to a lot of concerts with friends and I would absolutely love to take concert photos someday. But when I’m seeing some of my favorite bands with my best friends, taking pictures is the last thing on my mind. I usually snap a shot of the stage just to reminded myself where I was standing, and maybe sneak one snapshot of a band member if they get especially close to me.
I’ve never taken my DSLR into a concert.
1) I don’t want it to get smashed! I go to rock/metal concerts. We are not ashamed to thrash around like psychos. 2) I want to fully experience the concert as the fan I am. There are several particular bands I would much rather be in the crowd than off to the side snapping photos. While I would love the chance to get up close and possibly backstage to shoot the concert, I always have the best time of my life in the pit with my friends.
While it pains us to think “AGH I could have had that shot!” I agree that sometimes its best to leave the camera at home, or carefully pick where and when you see life through the viewfinder.
December 3rd, 2010 at 7:38 am
I am sooo glad we BOTH have a camera. When we stop for a photo opportunity, or go on a hike, or shoot a bellydance performance, both of us have fun, and we compare photos later. Give them all a camera and let them enjoy the same thing you do.
December 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 am
Shoot from the hip. Spontaeous shots of family are often the best and sometimes compose themselves — isn’t that what editing software is for? I sometimes crop 2/3 of a shot to compose a shot I did not even look kthrough the viewfinder for. My 8 megapixel camera was precise enoughtto create fine photographic memories.
I took a new Canon S95 to Disneyworld with hopes of being less “camera-happy.” One, I d\ropped it since it was too small and slippery. Two, my aim was off using the new, smaller lense. 3, the settings are more complex and the camera tries to think too much for me and focuses on strange pints of the shot.Still, I had my usual batting average of about 1% being excellent photographs, 60% being fine recordations of good memories, and the other 29% being deleted.
The funny thing is that in any crowd, when you take a picture, the bottom 10% of the picture is a picture of people holding cameras up. it is not healthy to live one’s entire life through a viewfinder.
December 3rd, 2010 at 8:55 am
Good question…… I am at the racetrack Friday nights, Saturday afternoon and evening and every other Sunday afternoon. My wife (it’s just us now), isn’t with me due to not tolerating the smoke, fuel vapor and noise. It does make my time worthwhile, I have people from five states coming to Southern Illinois for pictures of their cars. This is all tolerated as I am home during the week (retired) but still have the guilts when I’m working. Guess there’s nothing I can do to change this as I’ve been doing it for over ten seasons. I am off now for about four to five months depending on weather but come March I’lll be at it again. It really helps to have an understanding spouse. I do have plenty of photos of my grandchildren and never miss when I’m with them.
December 3rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
Thank you very much for the tips..I’m a hobbyist photographer,as u have described it,everything I see, I see through the eye of a len,trying to capture special moments and time,however my family doesn’t share my passion except for my little girl who loved posing for me.I love the outdoor and they rather stay home,when I go out,I go out with friends instead and it make me feel guilty leaving them behind.Sometimes I feel frustrated knowing that somewhere out there a rainbow is displaying its myriad of colors or mass of clouds playing across the sky or I had to be at the right spot at the right time to capture sunset,but sadly I also have to be home to prepare super and welcome my family as they come home.
December 3rd, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Thanks for sharing. This article comes at the right moment for me. I was very frustrated for the past 2 week missing all the weekend group photography sessions to stay home and take care of my kid. Don’t be mistaken, I enjoy every moment with my kid but I find myself mentally “teleport” to those outing locations and imagine myself taking shots with the folks. I tried setting away my camera most of the time and set specific time for camera. Even then, my wife still think I spent too much time in photography. Honestly, I am probably an millimeter away from giving up photography…
December 3rd, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I took a lot of photos of my children when they were young. Then, they reached a point in their lives when I thought they’d entered a witness protection program. Each time I’d try to take a picture, they’d put their head down, turn away, put up a hand, etc.
But a funny thing happened now that they’re adults. They honestly enjoy looking at the photos I took of them when they were young. If pressed, they will also lament the fact that they became so camera-shy in their teens and admit they wish they had more photos from that period.
So while I don’t advocate becoming a family paparazzi, it may take some time (even a decade) before your work is truly appreciated.
December 3rd, 2010 at 4:16 pm
I’m getting close to finishing a project 365 that I started on Jan. 1. While it’s been an incredible experience and I’ve learned more this year about photography than during any other period of my life, it’s also been a real challenge. A project 365 requires you to go out and shoot every day, and I set up a blog to post the results, daily.
I didn’t want to shoot just anything for the sake of getting a shot. To me it had to be worthwhile photographically as well – technically and creatively. Although I tried to make sure my wife was onside before I started, neither of us realized how much effort was involved and there were times when it really created stress.
I think my wife now grudgingly accepts it when I say I need to go out and get my shot(s) – likely because she sees the end is near. On the positive side, she has also called me out to get my camera when she sees a photo op – and she EVEN took the camera out herself early one morning (while I was still asleep) and did a great job capturing a sunrise !
I’ve learned the ABC of doing a Project 365 (Always Bring Camera) and I’m not sure I want to break that habit (I chafe at the bit when I can’t get a shot and there’s an otherwise perfect opportunity). I do plan to ease back once I complete my commitment to myself at the end of the year – I won’t be forced to go out daily, but I think I’ll adhere to ABC and just use it a little more judiciously.
Thanks for a great article – I thought I was the only one with this obsession !
December 3rd, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Wow, this column seems to have really struck a nerve as the comments cover a broad area. Does anyone see a bit of a sexist aspect running through this (I mean as descriptive, not perjorative)? From the unscientific sample represented here it seems to be the wife that is injecting the notion that “too much time” is spent on the passion, or the moment is “inappropriate.” (Just observing here). I know from my own experience (and btw, I get these phrases aimed at myself also) that guilt comes if I don’t think I’ve got the support of my spouse. But, since the guilt is toward something I really want to do, the next emotion that can arise is a kernel of resentment. As for myself, if my spouse expresses interest in anything, I do not caution that it might take up too much of her time. Au Contraire, I say go for it honey! Satisfaction in pursuits leads to a better person overall. My theory is that, in general, men tend to maintain a good bit of the boy and will want to do what they want to do. While women actually grow up emotionally, with the consequence perhaps of leaving behind the joy of creative frivolity. Just musing hear. Not intending any offense. Would love to read some contrary views. : )
December 3rd, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Alejandro (my Nikon) is rarely far from my side, but my family really tends to be fine with it. I think the key for me is to always respect their desire to be out of a shot (bad hair day, bad mood, whatever – they don’t need to give me a reason), and to remember that they come first.
To counter this, I will occasionally vanish for a weekend alone or with another shutterbug. This way I can stop, shoot, stop, shoot, stop…(lather, rinse, repeat!) and no one will be rolling eyes or sighing dramatically. It provides the balance that we as photographers need to find.
Another fun thing is to get them involved. My middle child bought my first DSLR from me (Hers is named Felipe) when I upgraded to Alejandro. My other two kids have digital point-and-shoots, and their dad does too. So if we go apple picking, for example, there could well be 5 cameras in tow!
I thought your article was great, and oftentimes, a much needed wake-up call! =)
December 4th, 2010 at 2:34 am
WOW! Woke up this morning to find all of these great comments! I’m glad that this article got the conversation started.
I feel I must clarify something. My wife is completely supportive of my passion for photography. She was the one that encouraged me to upgrade to the Nikon D5000. I’m not sure I would have taken that step if not for her.
The point of my article was to encourage some kind of balance or at least the idea that even though our spouses may support us, it is important for us not to take that support for granted. It’s very easy to block out things when in the moment of trying to compose a shot.
My situation specifically had to do with my wife simply pointing out that sometimes I seem to be separated from the family sometimes when I have the camera stuck to my face. As much as I love taking pictures that is not how I want things to be.
I was glad my wife said something and in no way took it as her being unsupportive of my passion for taking pictures. I would like to point out that I think there is a difference between being passionate and ignoring your family. No passion should be an excuse for neglecting the family as some comments could possibly suggest.
I want to capture the great moments of life with my family without being selfish in the process. I’m willing to find that balance as I think most of you are. I do not plan to sacrifice my passion and will continue to take lots and lots of pictures along the way, but I am going to enjoy my family while I do it.
I couldn’t fathom giving up this passion of mine. I LOVE IT TOO MUCH! I know my family enjoys it as well as we often sit around the computer to view some of the great shots taken.
Again, this is a great conversation! Thanks!
December 4th, 2010 at 6:01 am
Sometimes asking your family to suggest pictures, or even encouraging them to add their perspective by taking the shot is enough. Sometimes you have to be a minimalist, and then there are days/times to leave the camera home, no matter what. My wife has a very creative eye, but she lacks the confidence to use her talents. I make sure that I do not critique or edit anything she does because she would feel personally attacked by that. If I think she has a great shot, I try to encourage her with heaps of praise. You have to treat a family member differently than you would a student. Family members are much more emotionally involved, and they may feel inadequate and insecure about their own abilities if you have a lot of experience.
December 4th, 2010 at 6:35 am
The first thing I thought of when I read this was a comparison of band photography. I remember reading once that you should shoot like crazy during the first few sets and then stop completely. After that, enjoy the music and the show.
The reasoning was that the band is the freshest in the first few songs, they have the most energy and are not yet unflatteringly soaked with sweat. This is true with life too. Whatever you are doing, family get togethers, children’s events, etc. Shoot like crazy, maybe set a time limit, then put it away and enjoy the rest. That way you are happy you got portraits and the family is happy they get you-time.
I suppose you could always have the camera handy for certain parts at the end of the party (exp:cake) or events. One has to learn to photograph in moderation as they would with anything in life.
December 4th, 2010 at 6:58 am
Wow…this is probably the most responses I have ever seen to a article. I think it is safe to say for any hobby including photography there must be a balance for family, work and life outside of that hobby. This is always a struggle as in order to get better at something you have to practice…practice and practice. This practice of course wedges itself into our responsibilities as a family member, employee, boss and general member of society.
I can relate to some degree to some aspect of everything everyone mentioned above and it is nice to hear “I’m not the only one” on another front. I have talked to other photographers in my area that I have worked with how they have dealt with this exact issue. As you would have guessed they all dealt with it in various ways, some slowed down the photography, some handed their spouse a camera, some continued full steam ahead dealing with it when it blew up.
For me my wife has her good days and bad days..more good days as of late. Interesting thing has happened though, my wife is now becoming my marketing person. As well as challenging me to try shooting new things that I would have never pushed myself to do. So far that results have been mixed but more in a positive spin..for example I photographed kids for the first time and the results were better than expected. So much that I actually got paid for it and booked more work!!! On the other hand my kids say I should shoot what I want and mom should stay out of it…LOL! Kids say the darnedest things!!
All in all my family for the most part have gotten used to me taking pictures of them and everything around us. There are days I leave the camera at home and there are days I’m asked to bring it along…all in all it seems to have worked out..now to deal with the trying to get myself in more shots!!
December 4th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Well, you’re right. I experienced it. My luckily my girlfriend is also a photographer. She is absolutely love when we are dating with a camera! Hahahahaha..
But unfortunately i am a nikon, and she is a canon. Hehehe.
December 5th, 2010 at 10:26 am
This hits close to home. There are a few in our family who don’t like to have their pics taken more than once or twice at a given gathering. I try to honor that.
I’ve also found that not using a flash (when conditions permit) seems to make life easier. Sometimes they don’t even know I’ve taken their pic!
December 5th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
@Brad:
Thanks for the article. This is something that I’ve struggled with, especially since having kids. When is the right time to bring the camera? Am I imposing on everyone’s time? Usually, I err on the side of taking fewer photos, to my wife’s lament. I think that’s just how it is for now.
Love the article. Perfect for the Holidays. Thanks, again!
December 6th, 2010 at 9:14 am
Ed F – You’re definitely right there. Anything requires discipline and balance. Without balance something else in our life is most certainly neglected.

Glad you liked it!
Wira – Haha1 That rocks! My wife wants her own point and shoot. Perhaps she’ll catch the bug and we’ll have yet something else we both enjoying together. I’m a Nikon too! LOL
Floyd – Definitely good to give people their space. On family gatherings I simply take one or two shots in a special place and call it a day. I took shots at a wedding w/o flash and I was barely noticed. Sometimes a telephoto lens is just what you need.
Brian – I knew I wasn’t the only one!
December 6th, 2010 at 11:16 am
this is a bit an easy choice for me.
I would not exchange family for “me time” with my camera.
but not before i got to the principle of “one shot is all I need”
I’m happy with one very good shot rather than keep shooting
even though I already have a good photograph to keep.
December 6th, 2010 at 11:44 am
I leave my camera at home for entirely selfish reasons. My motto is – “You can’t shoot the cake and eat it, too.”
What I mean is that the camera pushes me into the role of observer. I can never really just be part of the experience, it’s always a conflict.
If you want me to be at your party, please don’t ask me to take pictures. Even if I try to take “breaks” I just can’t help thinking about the perfect moment that might come up every second now oh god where did i put my cam does it have enough battery left there is just not enough light have to crank up the iso..
December 6th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
I use to find myself there all the time. Now it seems I have went the extreme opposite and usually do not even have my camera with me. I am still trying to find my balance.
December 6th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
When out with family, I am happy if I get one really great shot which I have framed up properly. I then usually set my camera to automatic and just take happy snaps so that I can stay engaged with everyone. After a few shots that way I find I put the camera away and just enjoy the rest of the time with the family. Everyone is happy and bearly noticed me taking those initial shots.
December 6th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Nice article, and I can relate to it in a few ways…
I’m only 13, but I really started to love photography a few months ago. I’m just so addicted, and am working with some old Sony CyberShot…..
I’m planning on getting the Olympus SP-600..I saw it in Radio Shack and just fell in love. The 15x optical zoom really caught me <333
But yeah, I find myself always stopping to take a good shot. I mostly shoot with my iPhone 3G, considering the camera isn't much of a competition with it LOL.
and the other day my mom and I just parked in front of the mall, and I kept making her stop in the middle of the road so I could shoot the "perfect" shot
I'm also constintly on the computer (DeviantART.com) where I share all my art
Glad I'm not the only one XD
December 8th, 2010 at 4:19 am
I’m 22 and single. so my family doesn’t complain if I lug my camera around everywhere I go. in fact they become puzzled if they see me without mine lol. I recently went on a trip with some of my cousins. took around 800 pics and later I realized I’m not in anyone them. and no one else bought a camera coz apparently I’m the “camera guy” now. not that I’m a professional or anything. I just got my DSLR 3-4 months ago. all I remember is carrying my camera and the tripod but I really really enjoyed the trip
below is a pic of my baby sister I took. god, everyone expects me to take her pics but she just keeps running towards the camera 9 out of 10 times.
nice article
December 10th, 2010 at 1:11 am
I’ve just been scanning old negs and slides. Some from 38 years ago. Family mostly. Had they not been taken these memories would not be as vivid as they are again. The children love them. As do other family members.
we just need to find the right balance when taking them.
December 16th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Reading Melissa’s comment about band photography I feel the need to say something. Band photography shows a different story when you follow the entire evening. The sweat shows the dedication of the band. Even shots getting blurrier because you’re getting into the music is a way of expressing how envigorating the atmosphere is.
Same thing with family and photography. Children getting anxious is part of life. People getting tired of you is part of life. Trying to “crop” that out by only photographing when they are smiling is misrepresenting the experiences you have together with your family. Be it wedding or funeral, laughter or cries, it’s all part of who you and your family are…
November 26th, 2011 at 11:53 am
I find everyone is happier if I don’t have my camera around during family gatherings. There are plenty of relatives with point ‘n shoots to take care of the mandatory family group pics and nobody is growling at me for trying to make things “just right.”
The early-dawn magic hour is mine alone. I can travel several miles, get a good shoot, and be back home before anybody knows I’m gone.
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